It isn’t often in life when we get the chance to start all over; to change the story; to get out of our super comfy home turf. So when life does indeed offer you that chance, you grab it hesitantly. You may not think twice because you’re afraid that if you over thought this- you may talk yourself out of it. But your enthusiasm doesn’t take over your fear; sooner or later fear does overtake enthusiasm. You reach your new destination, the proverbial turning point, and you ask yourself, ‘What the fuck did I just get myself into?’
I shifted to a new city four months back. I am still in the same state as I have been since my birth but yet this feels like a ginormous change to me.
It hadn’t even been three to four days of college that a colleague came up to me and asked “Why are you so shy?”. I was lost for words. Ever since school I was a vivacious kid. I laughed aloud and I didn’t hesitate in being the first to initiate the conversation with a stranger. I never shied away from expressing my opinion and I never let fear be a factor for anything. Yet here I was, being accused of the cardinal sin of being painfully bashful. I smiled and said something along the tunes of it being a new place, a big change and demurely left.
I have met a bouquet of individuals in the short span I have been in this new city. Some people I have met, have changed the perceptions I had held close since a long time. They each have a different story to tell and they each have a different take on life. And while its exciting to meet different individuals every day, you always wonder how the world views you. You always wonder what category do people put you in?
You also realize, that even if you wanted, you can’t really change most things about yourself. For instance, I don’t trust easily any more. I’ll probably be friends with you for more than 3 years but I still won’t share an inch of my thoughts, aims and dreams with you. It happened a long time back. I trusted too quickly; I fell too hard. It would be natural for someone to think of me as aloof then, but I guess I am okay with that. I know who I am. You may think of me as quiet and assume that I don’t talk much but if you ever happened to meet an old friend of mine, they would tell you I am anything but. I have become adept to the art of wearing a mask. I am now able to change my nature as easily as an artist adapting different characters. It’s not purposeful; it’s just second nature, now.
Changing comfort zones challenges more than one aspect of your life. It challenges perspectives, opinions, tolerance, limits and much more. But here’s the best part: at the end of it all, you get to meet yourself. You get to meet that part of you that decides who you will fall in love with or who you will become life long friends with. You get to meet the person you were meant to be. It takes a tumble down a rocky hill to peel away the layers but it sure feels worth it at the foothill. So let the one takeaway from this prose be this: Take your life and move it upside down at least once in your lifetime. Every change is good. Every change teaches you something new. Change too, can perhaps be desirable.
It’s only been 4 months since I changed cities. But in this short span of time, I have learnt so many new things. The change I wanted, yet feared; is here. I am living the change and surviving it. I am somebody I never knew. I am somebody new.
And till the next change arrives; I’ll just make a new comfort zone out the change I feared the most.